Jews Don't Go Camping. Life Is Hard Enough As It Is.

I'm so glad it's beginning to warm up a bit in my neck of the woods. I can't wait to get out of my house and actually get outdoors and enjoy life instead of being cooped up in a dead, depressed, cement-filled world. I'm looking forward to camping trips, getting out on the lake to kayak, and possibly a canoe trip or two. Some of the fondest memories I have from my childhood are those spent on camping/canoeing trips with my family. There's just something about being outside that I haven't grown out of; the clean air, the challenge of a good hike, the sunrises, the campfire (with subsequent beer ingestion), even the all-powered lure of the all mighty s'more.

While I was wasting the company dime today at work (because I have 2 days left before I blow this turkey stand, so fuck it) looking up camping equipment, I stumbled on this:



This is quite possibly the best idea ever. It's in the shape of a bear, so if I get attacked by bears at night I won't get eaten because the bear will be all, "Oh! Pardon me. I didn't know you were in here." And then I'll make the bear's head say, "No problem. I was just devouring this girl. By the way, how did you get in here?" And the bear will be like, "Oh, some asshole left the tent unzipped." Product flaw: no opposable thumbs for tent zipping while wearing bear sack.

I guess the only thing I'll have to worry about now are flying night squirrels. I know, right?! Not only do they exist, but they can fly at you like fucking bats! Also, instead of carrying acorns, they carry typhus. Darwin at its finest. Who's up for a camping trip?

Finally, here's a compilation of culturally diverse camping quotes that we can all appreciate and remember hearing a time or two:

"I'm sure that's not poison ivy."

"Just one more hill to climb. It's all flat from here."

"I know the drought has caused a ban on open fires, but this is a campground. We'll be OK."

"I thought you packed the toilet paper?"

"You'll be OK. It doesn't look that bad."

"Nope, never opened it. But, the guy at the store said it was easy to assemble."

"Shhh! Did you guys hear that?!"